I look at your face after what seems like eons and I am shattered somewhere deep down in my soul. Busy being mother myself for the last three decades I somehow never looked at you..the way I should have..the way I expect my children to look at me...intently..with love..and caring.. and regard.. and with unspoken understanding.
Everyone ages and so have you but why didn't I see it before this? The million lines on your face tell their own story. Your demeanor, posture, the painful shuffle with which you walk and the dull look in your eyes hit me in the gut. You don't laugh any more. The weak smile cannot hide the sadness and even though you make every effort to appear normal, something in you is dying slowly but surely.
The two days that I spent with you have brought home this painful realization that so intent are we looking forward to the future that we never look back to see that without the past there can be no future. Busy as we are raising our own families we forget that our parents need us too..not only in presence but also in spirit. We forget that we exist because our parents do. And most importantly we forget that not too far in the future we will be old too and at the mercy of those we are raising with so much love and care (and for sure they won't have the time and the patience and the understanding for us just like we don't have it for our parents.)
Saying bye to you today was probably the worst I have felt in a long time. I am ridden with guilt for not having done enough for you. I am petrified that I may not see you again. I am so aware of my own shortcomings as your eldest and my inadequacies at dealing with situations. I wish I could stay back. I wish we could talk some more. I wish I had the courage to stand up for you. There's so much I wish for.....
The look on your face as you wave at me from the balcony will haunt me for a long time to come. I love you...just wish I had said it more often and shown it better......
Everyone ages and so have you but why didn't I see it before this? The million lines on your face tell their own story. Your demeanor, posture, the painful shuffle with which you walk and the dull look in your eyes hit me in the gut. You don't laugh any more. The weak smile cannot hide the sadness and even though you make every effort to appear normal, something in you is dying slowly but surely.
The two days that I spent with you have brought home this painful realization that so intent are we looking forward to the future that we never look back to see that without the past there can be no future. Busy as we are raising our own families we forget that our parents need us too..not only in presence but also in spirit. We forget that we exist because our parents do. And most importantly we forget that not too far in the future we will be old too and at the mercy of those we are raising with so much love and care (and for sure they won't have the time and the patience and the understanding for us just like we don't have it for our parents.)
Saying bye to you today was probably the worst I have felt in a long time. I am ridden with guilt for not having done enough for you. I am petrified that I may not see you again. I am so aware of my own shortcomings as your eldest and my inadequacies at dealing with situations. I wish I could stay back. I wish we could talk some more. I wish I had the courage to stand up for you. There's so much I wish for.....
The look on your face as you wave at me from the balcony will haunt me for a long time to come. I love you...just wish I had said it more often and shown it better......
