Today completes a fortnight of some dark, painful, terrifying and then inspiring two weeks. Two weeks and the story of four mothers - who despite all odds are trying to tide over situations that most of us would never want to be in - even in our worst nightmares.
Who are mothers? Zillions of fables and stories and quotes will tell you how glorified and how exalted this title is! Becoming mother is like donning the mantle of God - somehow the day you assume that title - your own being ceases to exist. You exist for your children and it doesn't matter what they do to you - you keep existing and loving regardless.And all mothers do it! But every once in a while you encounter a mother who goes beyond that calling and this is the story of four such courageous women.
I meet her in her well appointed, high end apartment. The environment is muted, quiet - as if waiting in trepidation for something to happen. The living room has huge open, bay windows and the gentle monsoon breeze fills the room with the scent of the rain pouring outside. I am there to pray with her and to help her strengthen her faith so that she constantly stays above her problems and remains a winner. She has fought a battle against the deadliest of diseases - Cancer. Tall, with pale skin, short hair and a demeanor that reflects the pain the body has suffered - she speaks softly about myriad things. But mostly she talks about her daughters and their goals and ambitions and how she is doing the utmost to see that they get what they want in life. No self pity, no drama, no emotional outbursts - just a dignified acceptance of what she went through and how she saw herself through because she wanted to be there for her daughters. She admits there were dark periods - of doubts and self pity and remorse but she knew she could not let them bog her down. I am still coming to terms with her story when I get to know that she also takes care of her in laws - specifically her mother-in-law who is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's Disease. I take a mental bow and thank her - she shows me the true meaning of family, compassion and service above self!
In another high end apartment, and in another space is a mother who is silently and constantly praying for her grown up son to comprehend the meaning and realities of life. One minute she blames herself for what he has become and the other minute she is distraught with worry over his future. Who knows what takes a human being on the dark journey of substance abuse? Who knows what twisted and tormented thoughts lurk in the deep recesses of the mind that on one hand is brilliant and creative and on the other a slave to his habits. At times a loving child and at others a monster with no regard for his own or anybody else's life. But to the mother he is her only hope. She dreams that all will be well, that he will be well and that in not so distant a future her family will be whole again. Maybe her dreams are unreal but her prayers are not. Her Madonna like face is lined with worry and yet her lips do not stop praying. She shows tremendous faith and courage and determination and constant hope. I pray that her prayers bear fruit soon - for here is a mother who has courageously rallied on with just hope by her side. From her I learn the lesson of true courage and fortitude!
On the other end of this spectrum is a mother whose son has never called her mother and probably never will for he suffers from autism and does not recognize relationships. A strapping young lad - tall, handsome but completely oblivious to the world of emotions. The mother on the other hand is garrulous and comes across as a positive, strong woman who sees the sunny side up every time. I am in for a rude shock though, for hiding behind that smile is a scared and scarred soul. Someone who has tried to end her life twice and almost succeeded both times. She swings between hope and despair. Happiness and sorrow to her are like two ends of a see-saw always an extreme with no balance. And yet she is striving to find that balance because there are three children to take care of and whatever may be her fears and her moments of weakness she cannot forget that she is a mother. I wonder what scares the mother of a mentally challenged child the most. My prayers go out to her. I know there's little hope but I silently tell her to hang in there because her family needs her. I wish her all the best and hope she wins!
The fourth mother is a widow - living alone - her two children are in the US. She a wizened old soul, crackling with laughter every now and then, and telling us that she is still very young and no one dare address her as 'Ba' - a commonly used title for a grandmother! Call me by my name she says and we all laugh with her. I am amazed at her spirit and slightly envious of her joi de vivre. I am twenty years younger than her but feel jaded and old in her company. So what is her story? Why does she live alone? Do her children visit? And suddenly the face loses some of its shine - for here's a mother who loved and lost. Her story moves me so much that I cry unabashedly while she tries to calm me down. This strong woman who is wiping my tears is a mother who has so much to be unhappy about. Her two children have not spoken to each other for years now and as a reflex action have also stopped interacting with her. She hasn't heard from them in years. She forgive them though, even offers some excuses for their callous behavior, and without any drama and blames on fate she gets on with her life. Her family now is her neighbors and their children and all of us who sometimes visit her and pray with her. She prays for them - the two who have abandoned her and wishes them well. After all she is the mother! Hats off Ba - you are the epitome of love and faith. I hope all mothers learn the lesson of forgiveness and internal strength from you.
And that's how it went - two weeks, four mothers!
Kiran
