Inheritence of Loss

Apologies Anita (or is it Kiran) Desai - for borrowing the title of your book as the title of this post but at this point in time nothing fits my state of mind better.

When you spend a life time in bonding and nurturing relationships with relatives - you start to think of the bonds as inheritences - sometimes you get complacent and sometimes you overdo your bit but the confidence in the relationship remains because you give so much to each and every one of them. You invest emotions, time and energy into keeping the ties alive for in those ties lie your strengths. You build every relationship bit by bit - mutually - taking some and giving some but always keeping the bond alive. And as time passes you start believing that the strength of the bond with weather every storm especially those that arise out of expectations!

But unfortunately the fragilities of the human mind and the levels of expectations always take a toll on relationships. And even those that you have spent years and years on nurturing go kaput in a few seconds because of unmet expectations. In that lies sorrow and pain - because by that time you have become so dependent on the relationship that it starts feeding on your soul. When the break happens - it's not just the relsationship that goes - with it goes a part of your soul and so much of your spirit.

Having had to bear the pain of two such breaks in the past few months I have finally understood how important it is to detach oneself from all relationships and expectations as one goes along in life. Sadly, it is when these things happen that one realizes how poor one's spiritual growth is. For the first step towards spiritual enlightenment is to let go of all relationships - especially those that drain you emotionally and leave you in negative thought. I am disappointed in myself for having let relationships effect me to such an extent that I have lost my perspective and positivity. It is a shame that instead of going forward spiritually I have slipped back many steps - back again into the labyrinth of expectations and demands.

Getting back on the path is going to be an uphill climb but climb I must - in it lies my own peace and serenity.